I never pictured myself as someone who was going to stay in Rwanda for my whole life. Ever since I was young the world has always been so big and fascinating and I wanted to see a lot of it as much as I could. I had this mental image of me graduating high school, then applying to a university abroad, move there and reinvent myself. I would party, I would meet cool people, I would find a job and I would learn how to be independent. Easy peasy. I had romanticized this idea that I would eventually go so much so that at the end of high school I did not even bother applying to universities in Rwanda as it was abroad or nothing for me. (very dramatic of me)
I got very lucky and got the opportunity to come to Italy without even spending as much as I normally would. This was one of the most random things to have ever happened to me up to now, but anyway let’s call it fate I guess. So off to Italy I was, the land of wine, cheese and pizza. I admit to not having known much about this country except that the food was good and the sun was very sunny. I, shamefully, thought that they spoke Spanish. So there I was, an 18-year-old from Rwanda choosing a major in an Italian university in a faculty chosen at random because I could not make up my mind on what I wanted to study, a faculty that would be taught fully in Italian (which was unknown to me at the time, imagine my shock pulling up to university and the first lesson was 'Teatro' in Italian and I could not understand shit) in a city I have never heard of except the fact that it seemed near Milan, the fashion capital. All of this was exciting to me. I was going on an adventure without the supervision of my parents nor school and I could do whatever I wanted, party as much as I wanted, travel as much as I wanted, flirt with cute strangers. I had watched way too many movies and the reality couldn't be further my imagination. So what did I learn from this?
Did you know that real life does not come with subtitles? You knew?? Well, you are better than me because I was arrogant to think it was going to be the easiest thing ever speaking Italian as I spoke french and it was ‘almost the same thing’. A moment of silence for my stupidity. Also even if you go to a country that speaks the same language as you, it will still feel strange as their way of speaking that language has a different flavour to your way of speaking that language. Because it is tied to the history of that place and its culture so it will be utilized in a way that you are not familiar with. But it is definitely better to at least understand what is being spoken or/and yelled out to you.
'But I speak English and it's international and everyone speaks English nowadays' that too was me and no not everyone speaks English nor are they even obliged to accommodate to you. Again you are in another country so the least you could do is learn their language to communicate and relate to them, at least the basics. Also if you are in a small city, not everyone will speak English so to be on the safe side learn some of the language.
So tip one: learn the language and the culture.
Also shit is expensive. The way I used to view money has definitely changed and I have come to realize that I can not afford to live. I breathe and poof money is gone. While I do admit that my shoes and coffee addictions do not help this matter at all, living, in general, is expensive. Rent, bills, food, clothes, dates, hobbies, fun, university,.... everything costs money. I bet before considering moving abroad you thought all that was a given and if not you will get a job and sort it out. First of all, if you are rich and can afford all of that and never had to worry about sustaining yourself, how does it feel to be God’s favourite? For the rest of us, we think we will get jobs or scholarships to survive, good alternatives. Well yes, except for the fact that jobs do not want to hire you because you are a stranger or you have the wrong kinds of documents and if you get lucky and get one, you will be so exhausted all the time that studying and enjoying your youth will be out of the question.
With scholarships you will become a slave to the university, you will have to study so hard with pressure and anxiety of keeping that scholarship that you forget the reason you wanted to come here in the first place which was to 'discover life'. But it will mostly be worth it in the end and you will grow balls of steel from these experiences.
Social media is a lie. You see, before coming here everyone seemed to be living the high life on Snapchat stories, party after party, all lit and what not so that was the scenario in which I pictured myself too. Got here and realized that shit is expensive. Where did all of you get all that money from? I still wonder. Anyways I learnt that I had to fend for myself, pay rent, buy groceries and look good? I could either afford clothes or food, it was a hard decision to make but I got lots of compliments on my outfits and I see it as an absolute win.
So unfortunately I could not afford to show off on Instagram but it is okay. You see, all your friends abroad are just posting stories of the good and exciting things happening, they are probably going through some shit too but social media is not meant to show off our hard times, so you are never around when they are going through it but you are exposed to their happiness and their life that seems perfect. I have talked to some of my closest friends while they were living through hard times but still, their stories were just filled with funny memes or hot and cool pictures. I have probably done the same at some point. Trust me, it is not as easy and as glamorous as it seems, problems are international and smiles on social media are not necessarily authentic.
How alone it can feel. Abroad is fucking lonely and the homesickness is the worst. Sometimes you would give anything to be back in your room back home with birds that were exceedingly annoying in the morning and would always wake you up in a bad mood. Or to relive one of those lazy high school afternoons where everything seemed funny for no reason at all. Sometimes the people around you do not understand your jokes and you think to yourself how much your siblings would laugh at your stupid sense of humour. Abroad feels very lonely sometimes, it disconnects you from everything you had known up to then, and some days are all about getting through it. But the good thing is that you do get through it.
And lastly, changing your life is not as easy as it seems. You can run off to the most isolated place on earth but in the end, you will be you. Maybe it will bring you financial stability or some time away from people that you prefer to be away from but it is not a cinematic experience, unfortunately. Also picking up and starting over is terrifying, you are moving from all that you have known your friends and family without knowing when you will see them next, or if they will still be the same as you have left them. Or if you will still be the same too. I never considered myself brave for moving and starting over, it is common doing university abroad in Rwanda that we do not even think about it when the time comes. But I have been called courageous by people I have met here for having done it and it occurred to me that it is not as easy as I pretended it was, it is challenging and it takes a lot of courage and patience.
All that to say that it is not all rainbows and roses. We have glamourized going abroad so much so that we fail to see how hard it can be sometimes. In my generation, in Rwanda, I do not know a single person who would turn down an opportunity to live outside, especially in Europe and the States. We have this fetish of living the ‘life’ and making it big elsewhere as it seems to offer more opportunities, which is true to some degree. But we gotta see it for what it is, it is not a magical place where dreams come true and it is not that different from where you are. The language, food, style might be different but do not expect to be a different person or that all your problems will be fixed as soon as you land. It is exciting discovering a lot of stuff you did not know and evaluating yourself in a new environment, but also brace yourself as no change is easy. But if the opportunity arises, grab onto it and go. The world is so big and there is so much to see. If I had to do it over again I probably would but with a new set of eyes.
*I'm curious, have you ever moved? How was the experience and knowing what you know now would you do it again?
Playlists for when you just want to go back home in your warm bed;
What are you worried about?: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Wyj6rLP4pHoAavDjw7DxV?si=67e92bffa6294a27
Japanese Jazz when driving on a warm night: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1mbzMg1lkAfrjEYtEGUXSg?si=3ec626f590c043eb
From my past experience abroad ,Don't expect your problem to be fixed as soon as you land , life is not easy abroad as we imagine. NICE BLOG by the way !!
Croustillante !
I can relate what you said from another side too, that was so clear and it's a damn truth. There are time we think that life abroad is like a movie but at some point you how can it be real, if a movie only have two hours and you get to see characters in that movie getting old ?
I guess there is a reality that is not shown. and when you experience being it that so called movie aboard, you face the behind scene reality that will shock you. The crazy thing is that sometimes people you left back home raise their expectations to who you are.
Then you find yourself dealing with the new countries expectations of…
"real life doesn't come in subtitles" that was true and cool hahaha
Party after party